My last post ever probably... New blog meganal666.blogspot.com

I'm sorry.. I really am, sorry that I couldn't be less self-absorbed and start caring about how other people feel. I want to care But it is very hard for me to understand other people's feelings a lot..

I finally listened to the band 'Hole' which is Courtney love's band and she was the wife of Kurt cobain. She is actually very talented. She is quite messed up nowadays but I guess you wouldn't do so well either if you were mildly autistic, an your husband shot himself

Look i did not express this but i feel like i am having separation anxiety from my dad, my dog and my teddy cat. It makes me feel very small having to leave them to go to school. All i have is my friend Astral-haze who lives in my head but it (neither she nor he) is really cynical sometimes and doesnt even reply sometimes i think the weather is putting us all off lately. 

I like to make people feel happy and superior in their reaction towards my appearance

Congratulations you have won
A year's subscription of bad puns

Do not put your emotions on display because if u leave ur painting out when it is half done your cat may come and scratch it.

Replaceable

I miss blogging

I feel too detached to do my homework,..

I FEEL LIKE MILK AS IN FEEL THE DESIRE TO DRINK IT NOT I FEEL AS IF THOUGH I WERE MILK. 

I am going to get separation anxiety from my dad and my dog tomorrow at school as i have stayed home for the past week

I am not ugly. I am not ugly. You are not ugly. You aren't ugly. No one is beautiful. We're just these bodies. Our bodies mean nothing. Your body isn't 'beautiful the way it is' your body is just normal the way it is and human and 100% perfectly natural. There's two parts of Our brain. The part thar thinks and the part that controls your body. Your body is a puppet. Your body is a puppet and if a guy or a girl or whatever ever turns you down because you don't have their ideal body don't slap the,  be glad that you don't have to be around someone who thinks your body (puppet) is theirs to have. Literally own. If someone broke up with someone because they were getting fat, what the fuck?? Their body isn't yours... People don't own each other.. The two parts of your brain are equal your mind and your body are equal. If you can't control the way they think why do you get to control their body? Shut up it is not a matter of 'some people are superficial'  it is amatter of human rights. This does not mean you should expect everyone to always accpet you though as some people are genuine idiots. Just be glad that you have found out what they are like. 

I'm gonna go to the top level of the school i'm gonna open the window of one of the HSIE rooms and remove the fly screen. I'm gonna throw an apple out so hard. I'm gonna put the screen back and close it and wait till home time then i'm gonna think about how most make up doesnt enhance natural features at all but makes many girls look the same. Then im gonna start doing my homework and not think about my future but i'm just gonna do my homework so my dad will be happy that i have started to build more confidence in myself and more motivation. 

I cannot post photos on this blog anymore and am sad. Perhaps i will make another blog but post the url here so ppl can find it if they dont wanna talk to me for it i understand the pain of approaching ppl 

I sidnt kill myself i sat on myfloor with my wardrobe in front of my door for like many hours with a swiss army jnife with the largest knife out and a bottle of whisky red label jonny walker that my brother forced me to buy and the knife was red too but i did not kill myself because my dad came inand stopped me and made me come out fom under my bed and he was a little angry at first from this afternoon all i could do was roll around on the floor literally trying to stop my life by pulling my hair and rolling around i was very desperate. It was my all time low for my entire little existence.  i even tried to grab the bottle and knife and run out but my dad didnt let me. Eventually he talked and told me about things which is just between me and my dad who i love very much and glad that he does not give up on a pathetic lil shit i really can be spmetimes. 

Everythingi have said about suicide is stupid and untrue probably. Some things i hold a strong belief over such as womens rights and homosexual marriage and stuff and believe i am right about these however do not ever take me seriously when i am sad n suicidal because that is not megan speaking that is just a stupid thing in my mind called 'bipolar disorder' so do not believe me when i talk about death and suicide and stuff i can be very psychotic. Anyway someone will always be substantially effected when you die some ppl will feel sad which is normal but some ppl will be majorly effected and their whole life will be thrownout of whack or something it may not be your mum or dad or relative but there will always be someone i dont know how to give advice i am still suicidal a lot please dont treat me any different though please i'm still like sane i'm still me and stuff. 

I love you, a lot i feel very happy to know people humans can be interesting, cruel and creative. Not many ppl read my blog anymore probs but i think a lot of ppl found my blog on their own accord not from me telling them anyway i love you too i hate no one i am grateful for my life i am grateful for ppl and i amgrateful for ppl who are mean to me sometimes because everyone needs that. Thank you for reading my blog and thank you especially if u treat me normlly i am still human. Also to the anon in my cbox thanks for reading myblog and i'm glad you like nirvana i have been very obsessed with them lately but healthily obsessed they are a relly good band with good music albeit kurts sometimes slurred shouting voice. Anyway i got a CD called 'sliver: the best of box' with 22 songs that r like unreleased songs, demos from 1985-1993 and stuff there is some good stuff there no one buys CDs anymore but its really cool you could get it or something anyway i love u in a non-excrutiating way more the fact that u exist i love ur existence lol okay goodnight!